In a world surrounded by social media, confidence building can be hard. There’s always someone that we feel looks better, has better things and overall just has a better life than we do. This thinking can put us down but worst it can make us inactive.
When we focus too much on others and compare ourselves, taking action gets harder and harder. I don’t think it would be an unfair thing to say that social media has, in some very real ways, made confidence & confidence building hard.
These are 5 simple confidence building tips & routines. But one thing I’ve learnt in building confidence (& blogging) is it’s about finding what works for you! Putting your spin on things!
So don’t be afraid to change these routines up.
Permission slip
Looking back, those permission slips were actually an attempt to belong to myself and to no one else[ref]Brown, B. (2017). Braving the wilderness: the quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone. New York: Random House.[/ref]
A permission slip is a confidence building tool to give yourself the permission & acceptance we sometimes seek. It’s normal! We all do it. We wait for someone to say “yes, go ahead”, before we have the confidence to do something.
It was during a mini self-confidence crisis that Brene came up with this brilliant idea. She created her way of giving herself acceptance and belonginess by writing permission slips to herself. She writes one for any occasion she needs and keeps it in her pocket!
[arve url=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NY6hZf6kI4g” /]
She highly recommends writing your own for whatever you need. Her first slip said “Permission to be excited and goofy and to have fun”[ref]Brown, B. (2017). Braving the wilderness: the quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone. New York: Random House.[/ref] and she signed it!
Why does a simple solution work? It’s a creative way of “[setting] the intention”[ref]Brown, B. (2017). Braving the wilderness: the quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone. New York: Random House.[/ref]. But she says, like a permission slip for school, it’s up to you to “get on the bus”[ref]Brown, B. (2017). Braving the wilderness: the quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone. New York: Random House.[/ref].
So we can write as many slips as we want, but at the end of the day, we need to make sure we follow through and take action.
A great resource I found was also by Melissa Ambrosini the author of Mastering Your Mean Girl.
She has a free pack on her website that includes a self love permission slip. This ones a gem for self confidence building! Because at the end of the day confidence comes down to loving ourselves – every bit – the pretty and the not so pretty parts. You can find her pack here.
Action steps:
- Download our free permission slip template
- Choose 1 struggle you feel you need a slip for right now
- Write it out, sign it and put it somewhere you can carry with you (my wallet is my favourite place)
OR
- Download the self care pack from Melissa Ambrosini of Mastering Your Mean Girl & fill in that self care one asap!
Related content: 5 Ways To Have More Self Belief
Choose 1 small action
“Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.” – Carrie Fisher
My tough love for the day, which we ALL need to hear at some point is just to do it anyway!
Nobody started knowing everything. But the people that have learnt, have only learnt by taking action.
BUT in saying that, the small actions are just as important as the big ones.
To start creating more self confidence, take small actions.
Choose 1 thing and just focus on mastering that for now.
Maybe it’s choosing a mantra (more info on that below), choosing to write 1 permission slip a day or some other practice that gets you going. Even if it’s something that takes 5 minutes – that’s all you need to start.
Confidence is created by action. The more we take action, we more we create momentum and feel that drive.
We’re creating that feeling of “flow”, where confidence comes naturally.
Action steps:
- Choose ONE thing you want to master in your life right now
- Choose one SMALL action you can take to start creating momentum
- Schedule it in – put it on your phone calendar, keep a reminder on your bed side table, whatever works for you!
Remember – keeping it SMALL is key.
Related content: 20 New Years Resolution Ideas For 2018
Body Language
Sometimes a lil’ self awareness can do wonders. When I read Tony Robbins and he spoke about our body language it was that little wow moment I needed to hear.
When I was having a bad day, I was aware of my body language. How was I sitting? Was I slouched? Was I holding a sh*t load of tension in my forehead (my early signs of aging say yes!).
But the biggest one I noticed (& still do because old habits are hard to kick) – how often I keep my arms crossed! Let’s be honest, nobody wants to approach someone with their arms crossed. It gives unfriendly vibes. Not just to other people, but to myself. I FELT less approachable and therefore I was.
It’s kind of like that whole resting b*tch face story. When we’re having a bad day, and it shows on our face, it also makes us feel bad, unworthy and most importantly unconfident.
This speech by Amy Cuddy really says it all – a simple change in our body language can change how we feel.
[arve url=”https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are” /]
Action steps:
- Be aware – when you’re having a bad day, what is your body language saying?
- Consciously change your body language & note how you feel
This is a great tip for the scary moments in life – first dates, interviews – try adjusting your body language and see how you feel!
Daily Mantra
Mantras & affirmations are where it’s at!
I firmly believe sometimes a mantra or an affirmation isn’t just a statement, but also a question.
Reading Mastering Your Mean Girl lately, I realised just how much of what I do (or don’t do) on a daily basis is done out of fear (which ain’t good for the confidence).
Because as we know, the less we do, the less we feel. Which turns into a big cycle of “I can’t do this”, “who am I”. And nobody wants to be stuck in that washing machine cycle of life.
Her main message is to act out of love. To remember that fear is not a natural state for us. But love is.
So lately, when I find myself procrastinating over something or avoiding it entirely, I ask myself “am I acting out of love or fear?”.
When I’m acting out of fear and avoiding something, it’s the usual. I’m scared I’ll be judged or not liked.
But when I ask myself this question, I’m actually asking myself who I want to be. I want to be someone who acts out of love (as fluffy as it sounds). I want to be someone that acts anyway. I want to be someone that consciously take action even when though it means I will be judged (inevitable!!) and I’ll be vulnerable. I want to put myself out there anyways and trust that whatever happens, I’ll be okay. Discomfort means I’m growing.
It’s acting out of self love and self acceptance. And that has helped me grow my confidence immensly.
So maybe the whole love this is not your jam. But what is? What works for you?
Action steps:
- Find a mantra, affirmation or even self reflection question that works for you
- Practice it daily – add a reminder on your phone, write it and keep it in your pocket, again whatever works for you!
Related content: 6 Empowering Personal Development Self Beliefs That Have The Power To Change Your Life
5 Second Rule
This is a quick, simple but EFFECTIVE brain hack.
But the key words here, quick & simple, NOT easy.
The 5 Second Rule was created by Mel Robbins.
Her go to brain hack was to count backwards from 5 before taking action.
So if all the above doesn’t work for you – maybe try this?
When I sent out my first newsletter, wowza was I sh*tting my pants. Did I over share? What will they think? Is half my list going to unsubscribe?
It’s so easy to fall down the rabbit whole of self doubt.
So I counted backwards from 5 and clicked send.
Motivation & confidence is hardly ever just there! We have to work to find it & conjure it up daily.
But like we’ve said – action creates motivation & inspiration.
Counting backwards from 5 interrupts our self doubt talking and pushes us to do what we’re afraid in those few crucial seconds before falling down the rabbit hole.
Action steps:
- Think 1 of thing you know you need to do right now or should have done already!
- Count backwards from 5 and start!
[arve url=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nI2VQ-ZsNr0″ /]
Relevant content:
- Overcoming Self Doubt With One Simple Question
- 3 Steps To Control Negative Self Talk
- How To Start A Day Productively
There’s so many little things you can do in confidence building.
- Make your own (or print our) permission slip
- Choose 1 small action to take to create momentum
- Focus on your body language and see how you can change it to create more confidence
- Find a daily mantra, affirmation or question to help guide you
- Use the 5 second rule!
